Humor: BAPTIZING THE DRUNK

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.



The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"



The drunk answers, "Yes, I am."



So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"



The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus." The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks the drunk into the water again for a little longer time. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?"



The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."



Thinking the drunk needs to be sobered up with a little shock, the preacher dunks the drunk in the water again, this time holding him down for about 30 seconds. When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs the preacher pulls him up.



The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"



The drunk wiped his eyes and caught his breath and said to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"





catcmo2006 Would like to "Thank Everyone,"whom either has posted this or had sent posting to me from all of those e-mail address! Some of them I will or have passed on to all readers whom looks at all blog sites that I use. Thank You for allow in this site,group sites, web sites and other prayer sites as well in holding one another up for prayer's being totally united in everyone around this world, it's about Jesus Christ first and prayers,intecessory prayer's and at other times about this vast world we live in today which this old world as we all know it is slowly departing to be reaching our home in glory.

You Are Psalms

Ps.55:1--57:11 To the chief Musician on Neginoth, Maschil, [A Psalm] of David.

1. Give ear to my prayer, O God; and hide not thyself from my supplication.
2. Attend unto me, and hear me: I mourn in my complaint, and make a noise;
3. Because of the voice of the enemy, because of the oppression of the wicked: for they cast iniquity upon me, and in wrath they hate me.
4. My heart is sore pained within me: and the terrors of death are fallen upon me.
5. Fearfulness and trembling are come upon me, and horror hath overwhelmed me.
6. And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! [for then] would I fly away, and be at rest.
7. Lo, [then] would I wander far off, [and] remain in the wilderness. Selah.
8. I would hasten my escape from the windy storm [and] tempest.
9. Destroy, O Lord, [and] divide their tongues: for I have seen violence and strife in the city.
10. Day and night they go about it upon the walls thereof: mischief also and sorrow [are] in the midst of it.
11. Wickedness [is] in the midst thereof: deceit and guile depart not from her streets.
12. For [it was] not an enemy [that] reproached me; then I could have borne [it]: neither [was it] he that hated me [that] did magnify [himself] against me; then I would have hid myself from him:
13. But [it was] thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance.
14. We took sweet counsel together, [and] walked unto the house of God in company.
15. Let death seize upon them, [and] let them go down quick into hell: for wickedness [is] in their dwellings, [and] among them.
16. As for me, I will call upon God; and the LORD shall save me.
17. Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he shall hear my voice.
18. He hath delivered my soul in peace from the battle [that was] against me: for there were many with me.
19. God shall hear, and afflict them, even he that abideth of old. Selah. Because they have no changes, therefore they fear not God.
20. He hath put forth his hands against such as be at peace with him: he hath broken his covenant.
21. [The words] of his mouth were smoother than butter, but war [was] in his heart: his words were softer than oil, yet [were] they drawn swords.
22. Cast thy burden upon the LORD, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.
23. But thou, O God, shalt bring them down into the pit of destruction: bloody and deceitful men shall not live out half their days; but I will trust in thee.

Psalms 56

To the chief Musician upon Jonathelemrechokim, Michtam of David, when the Philistines took him in Gath.

1. Be merciful unto me, O God: for man would swallow me up; he fighting daily oppresseth me.
2. Mine enemies would daily swallow [me] up: for [they be] many that fight against me, O thou most High.
3. What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.
4. In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.
5. Every day they wrest my words: all their thoughts [are] against me for evil.
6. They gather themselves together, they hide themselves, they mark my steps, when they wait for my soul.
7. Shall they escape by iniquity? in [thine] anger cast down the people, O God.
8. Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: [are they] not in thy book?
9. When I cry [unto thee], then shall mine enemies turn back: this I know; for God [is] for me.
10. In God will I praise [his] word: in the LORD will I praise [his] word.
11. In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me.
12. Thy vows [are] upon me, O God: I will render praises unto thee.
13. For thou hast delivered my soul from death: [wilt] not [thou deliver] my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of the living?

Psalms 57

To the chief Musician, Altaschith, Michtam of David, when he fled from Saul in the cave.

1. Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me: for my soul trusteth in thee: yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until [these] calamities be overpast.
2. I will cry unto God most high; unto God that performeth [all things] for me.
3. He shall send from heaven, and save me [from] the reproach of him that would swallow me up. Selah. God shall send forth his mercy and his truth.
4. My soul [is] among lions: [and] I lie [even among] them that are set on fire, [even] the sons of men, whose teeth [are] spears and arrows, and their tongue a sharp sword.
5. Be thou exalted, O God, above the heavens; [let] thy glory [be] above all the earth.
6. They have prepared a net for my steps; my soul is bowed down: they have digged a pit before me, into the midst whereof they are fallen [themselves]. Selah.
7. My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is fixed: I will sing and give praise.
8. Awake up, my glory; awake, psaltery and harp: I [myself] will awake early.
9. I will praise thee, O Lord, among the people: I will sing unto thee among the nations.
10. For thy mercy [is] great unto the heavens, and thy truth unto the clouds.
11. Be thou exalted, O God, above the heavens: [let] thy glory [be] above all the earth.

The Bottomline:

In these verses we have, 1. David praying. Prayer is a salve for every sore, and a relief to the spirit under every burden. 2. David weeping. Griefs are thus, in some measure, lessened, while those increase that have no vent given them. David in great alarm. We may well suppose him to be so, upon the breaking out of Absalom's conspiracy, and the falling away of the people. Horror overwhelmed him. Probably the remembrance of his sin in the matter of Uriah added much to the terror.

When under a guilty conscience we must mourn in our complaint, and even strong believers have for a time been filled with horror. But none ever was so overwhelmed as the holy Jesus, when it pleased the Lord to put him to grief, and to make his soul an offering for our sins. In his agony he prayed more earnestly, and was heard and delivered; trusting in him, and following him, we shall be supported under, and carried through all trials. See how David was weary of the treachery and ingratitude of

men, and the cares and disappointments of his high station: he longed to hide himself in some desert from the fury and fickleness of his people. He aimed not at victory, but rest; a barren wilderness, so that he might be quiet. The wisest and best of men most earnestly covet peace and quietness, and the more when vexed and wearied with noise and clamour. This makes death desirable to a child of God, that it is a final escape from all the storms and tempests of this world, to perfect and

everlasting rest. (Ps 55:9-15)

catcmo2006 Would like to "Thank Everyone,"whom either has posted this or had sent posting to me from all of those e-mail address! Some of them I will or have passed on to all readers whom looks at all blog sites that I use. Thank You for allow in this site,group sites, web sites and other prayer sites as well in holding one another up for prayer's being totally united in everyone around this world, it's about Jesus Christ first and prayers,intecessory prayer's and at other times about this vast world we live in today which this old world as we all know it is slowly departing to be reaching our home in glory.

Proverbs Day

Proverbs 18:17-18(KJV): 17 He that is first in his own cause seemeth just; but his neighbour cometh and searcheth him. 18 The lot causeth contentions to cease, and parteth between the mighty. Proverbs 18:17-18(Amp): 17 He who states his case first seems right, until his rival comes and cross-examines him. 18 To cast lots puts an end to disputes, and decides between powerful contenders.

Thoughts for the Day The book of Proverbs deals with many aspects of relationships. These verses talk about contentions and disputes. Verse 17 tells of two neighbors who are rivals over a dispute and the first one comes and presents his case, it seems very convincing until he is cross-examined by the other one. We must always remember when someone is telling their side of a story, that there is always the other side to that same story. Being in the ministry for years, and counseling people for much of that time, my husband and I would listen to married couples who were considering divorcing their mates. We would always insist that that the other mate be brought in so we could hear their side of the story. Most of the time, we were shocked after hearing the other side. They didn't even sound like they could possibly be the one the other described. Each one described an entirely different person than the one sitting in front of us. After listening to both people individually, we proceeded to bring them together to share the Word of God with them and spend the remainder of the time praying with them. We would then have each of them pray for the other asking forgiveness of all wrongs on both sides. From that point on, after we had patiently listened to both sides of their problems, we did not allow any old things to be brought up, as the key to the healing of any relationship is not to dwell on the past, but to go forward in love and forgiveness building up one another in love. (1 Peter 3). Verse 18 states that some problems between contenders who both feel they have not been treated fairly is to cast lots and let that settle the issue. In modern understanding a "lot" was an object used to decide a matter by chance, a number of these being placed in a container. The lots themselves varied in size, shape or color and were drawn or cast out at random to determine the choice in question. In the Bible world of the Old Testament, this method of deciding portentous questions was used widely. Our modern day equivalent would be that of "drawing straws." This is done by taking a number of small straws of different lengths of which are lined up even on the top while the bottom part of the straws are covered from sight usually in someone's hand. There is a straw for each person who will be in the pool for selection. All parties decide before the drawing that the one who gets the shortest or longest straw will be the one chosen for a certain task. After predetermining whether it will be the longest or shortest straw, all then leave the drawing to chance which makes it fair. Those participating cannot complain as this kind of selection was not done by a vote. The same is true with the "lot." Many times, powerful contenders are both appeased when an issue is settled in this manner. We are commanded as God's children to live in harmony with our mates, family and friends. This is only possible as we allow the Holy Spirit to dwell in our hearts. We are to avoid disputes and wrangling and display the love of God in our affairs. Philippians 2:14-15: 14 Do all things without murmurings and disputings: 15 That ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world.

Prayer for the Day Dear Heavenly Father, we do appreciate your patience and love toward us. May we show this same love to those around us; especially to those with whom we might have a disagreement. Lord, grant us grace to be gracious and not get into contention with others. Lord, remove murmuring and disputing form our hearts and let us be joyful and peace makers. Father, guard our tongues that we do not say things that we will later regret. Forgive us when we fail you and give us Your grace to forgive others who have hurt us. We ask this in your son, Jesus' name. Amen.

catcmo2006 Would like to "Thank Everyone,"whom either has posted this or had sent posting to me from all of those e-mail address! Some of them I will or have passed on to all readers whom looks at all blog sites that I use. Thank You for allow in this site,group sites, web sites and other prayer sites as well in holding one another up for prayer's being totally united in everyone around this world, it's about Jesus Christ first and prayers,intecessory prayer's and at other times about this vast world we live in today which this old world as we all know it is slowly departing to be reaching our home in glory.

Morning & Evening Devotional

Morning Verse

"Thou art weighed in the balances and art found wanting." Daniel 5:27

It is well frequently to weigh ourselves in the scale of God's Word. You will find it a holy exercise to read some psalm of David, and, as you meditate upon each verse, to ask yourself, "Can I say this? Have I felt as David felt? Has my heart ever been broken on account of sin, as his was when he penned his penitential psalms? Has my soul been full of true confidence in the hour of difficulty as his was when he sang of God's mercies in the cave of Adullam, or in the holds of Engedi? Do I take the cup of salvation and call upon the name of the Lord?" Then turn to the life of Christ, and as you read, ask yourselves how far you are conformed to His likeness. Endeavour to discover whether you have the meekness, the humility, the lovely spirit which He constantly inculcated and displayed. Take, then, the epistles, and see whether you can go with the apostle in what he said of his experience. Have you ever cried out as he did--"O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death"? Have you ever felt his self-abasement? Have you seemed to yourself the chief of sinners, and less than the least of all saints? Have you known anything of his devotion? Could you join with him and say, "For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain"? If we thus read God's Word as a test of our spiritual condition, we shall have good reason to stop many a time and say, "Lord, I feel I have never yet been here, O bring me here! give me true penitence, such as this I read of. Give me real faith; give me warmer zeal; inflame me with more fervent love; grant me the grace of meekness; make me more like Jesus. Let me no longer be 'found wanting,' when weighed in the balances of the sanctuary, lest I be found wanting in the scales of judgment." "Judge yourselves that ye be not judged."

Evening Verse

"Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling." 2Timothy 1:9

The apostle uses the perfect tense and says, "Who hath saved us." Believers in Christ Jesus are saved. They are not looked upon as persons who are in a hopeful state, and may ultimately be saved, but they are already saved. Salvation is not a blessing to be enjoyed upon the dying bed, and to be sung of in a future state above, but a matter to be obtained, received, promised, and enjoyed now. The Christian is perfectly saved in God's purpose; God has ordained him unto salvation, and that purpose is complete. He is saved also as to the price which has been paid for him: "It is finished" was the cry of the Saviour ere He died. The believer is also perfectly saved in His covenant head, for as he fell in Adam, so he lives in Christ. This complete salvation is accompanied by a holy calling. Those whom the Saviour saved upon the cross are in due time effectually called by the power of God the Holy Spirit unto holiness: they leave their sins; they endeavour to be like Christ; they choose holiness, not out of any compulsion, but from the stress of a new nature, which leads them to rejoice in holiness just as naturally as aforetime they delighted in sin. God neither chose them nor called them because they were holy, but He called them that they might be holy, and holiness is the beauty produced by His workmanship in them. The excellencies which we see in a believer are as much the work of God as the atonement itself. Thus is brought out very sweetly the fulness of the grace of God. Salvation must be of grace, because the Lord is the author of it: and what motive but grace could move Him to save the guilty? Salvation must be of grace, because the Lord works in such a manner that our righteousness is for ever excluded. Such is the believer's privilege--a present salvation; such is the evidence that he is called to it--a holy life.

catcmo2006 Would like to "Thank Everyone,"whom either has posted this or had sent posting to me from all of those e-mail address! Some of them I will or have passed on to all readers whom looks at all blog sites that I use. Thank You for allow in this site,group sites, web sites and other prayer sites as well in holding one another up for prayer's being totally united in everyone around this world, it's about Jesus Christ first and prayers,intecessory prayer's and at other times about this vast world we live in today which this old world as we all know it is slowly departing to be reaching our home in glory.